New year and I’m still here and if you’re reading this, you’re still here too. Congrats! I’ll be honest: the urge to wax poetic and gush with positivity has been so strong over the past week. I listened to more of Oprah’s podcast yesterday and ya girl feels optimistic af! I love a good reset and what better time to reset than on a Monday, the very first day of a new year. I’d been thinking of a good post for NYE or New Year’s Day; I would do some reflecting, recapping, re-energizing, and writing out this year’s goals then spend all day New Year’s Day cleaning and clearing out my space to start 2018 with a clean slate.
But I didn’t. Instead, I just lived.
I decided to spend my day with friends starting new traditions, making memories (and mimosas), and just being present. In the past year (and some change), I spent a lot of time in isolation, intentionally. It was my year to be selfish and do what makes me happy-it was also a year of many crises and because of that protecting my peace was my main priority. I was quick to throw out “self-care” as my reason for not doing some things and overindulging in others but I learned that self-care is not eating Wendy’s for dinner and Krispy Kreme for dessert just because you can, despite your body telling you it doesn’t wanna eat that trash. Self-care is not taking a night off from school work but instead of spending that time writing or creating or doing things that make you happy you spend it stressing about school and work and life until you have a panic attack and go to bed early to keep it from getting worse. Many of the things I’ve done as “self-care” didn’t involve caring for myself. They were excuses to overlook and further enable the bad choices I was making or were temporary fixes to mask my problems instead of working towards viable solutions to them.
I was on some real BS in 2017.
So yeah, I don’t have anything really profound to say today. This was a moment to call myself out; what better way to start the new year?! I’m much too fragile with myself. I give myself the benefit of the doubt too much when I really need to call myself out Iyanla-style and stop pretending like being kind to myself and being a detriment to myself can exist in the same space. Because they can’t.
If you do nothing else in 2018, call your thing a thing, fam. Happy New Year!