Today kicked my ass y’all. I got my ass dragged and then handed to me but I made it. Here’s what got me through, brain-dump style.
Breakfast and two cups of coffee. The cold pizza I brought for lunch but didn’t eat until I was in the car on the way home from work.
- My old neighbor lady. I gave her dog some of the treats I made for Lego this weekend. She texted me and said she loved me. (Proof that I’m not a completely terrible person, yay!)
- Water. Y’all. Some cool crisp water will restore you. Woke me all the way up after my nap and got me to this Starbucks. For a second I thought I wasn’t gonna make it. I was in the bed under the covers and everything.
- A good weekend. I spent my weekend cleaning up like a madwoman. I got rid of the eyesore armchair in my living room. Switched up my decor. Popped in a new glade plug-in. It’s like I have a new apartment. It was so wonderful to come home to today.
- People who asked how my day was today and genuinely cared about my answer. I talk to people all day at work. Most of it is the textbook corporate America elevator talk: “How’re ya doing?” “Do anything fun this weekend?” etc. Most of it obviously shallow. But there are a few people who always make it a point to speak and ask me how I’m doing. It’s such a needed break from the chaos of the day.
- Starbucks. I reeeeally don’t like change and there’s something soothing about coming to a place and knowing exactly what to expect. (Well, the location I’m currently at remodeled and installed a passcode lock on the bathrooms but it’s mostly still the same. lol)
- Me. Sometimes I get so focused on getting ish done that I don’t pause and step back to realize how not normal this all is. I’m the ish. I had to remind myself of that today. I also had to remind myself that life in it’s current iteration is temporary. I just gotta keep my head down, delight in joy wherever and whenever I can find it, and keep it moving.
- Goldlink. He’s dope af. Enjoy. I gotta get back to this thesis proposal.
It’s a rainy, blah-y Sunday and despite all of my efforts, I’m in a rut that I can’t get out of. Today, I attribute this rut mostly to a slight case of SADs and this cold I’ve been trying my hardest to fend off all week but I can’t deny that there’s been an underlying, unceasing, unhappy hum to life lately and I’ve finally figured out why.
I’m back in all of my hot messed glory. I’m still doing this life thing. Some days it feels like I’m barely doing anything, other days I feel like I’m doing everything, but I’m still here doing…things.
This past week has been nothing short of struggletastic. Life has a way of throwing you (ME) curveballs, major curveballs, before you (I) can even get off the bench and onto the mound. And I for sure got knocked down but not out.
But the good news is I had a therapy appointment already scheduled for this week so now all I have to do is make it to Thursday. Easy, right?
So without much pomp, circumstance, or fanfare I’ve decided to start blogging again – mainly as a way for me to get out and sort through my own life stuff but also to help others sort through their own. I’m trying this whole vulnerability thing that everybody talks about (I’m looking at you, Brené Brown) so what better way to be vulnerable than on the interwebs, right? A few Sunday Things popping off after the jump.
“Alice asked the Cheshire Cat, who was sitting in a tree, “What road do I take?”
The cat asked, “Where do you want to go?”
“I don’t know,” Alice answered.
“Then,” said the cat, “it really doesn’t matter, does it?”
And this, friends, is my conundrum. Commitment to one path, one goal, one outcome is unfathomable. Not when I’m exposed to some other facet of life every day. And also not when I believe that I’ll end up wherever I’m supposed to be regardless of the path I take.
Admittedly, I feel incredibly flaky when asked “what do you plan to do after grad school?” or “what do you want to do with your degree?” or “what’s next?” and my answer is obviously not fully thought through. I’ve stopped trying to be even partially truthful, just whatever comes out of my mouth first and sounds interesting. It’s not that I don’t want to do any of these things or am not capable of doing any of these things; I guess I just realize that I’m being led to my destination, whatever that destination may be. Not to mention that once I get there, I may find myself being led to yet another destination.
It seems that where I want to go is secondary. What’s most important is just going, no matter which road you take.
I’m sitting in Panera Bread listening to two guys talk about WordPress and I thought “Hey, I have one of those!”
I could be writing this post as a gal who is completely finished with the Spring 2014 Academic Semester but noooooo, I decided to turn in some papers late on May 1st. But for the sake of relatability, as I know that school is ending for many folks all over, I’ve decided to reflect on this very trying and tiring semester. So here are some lessons Spring 2014 taught me: Continue reading