Ready, Set, RAMBLE

If I wrote the way my mind works, it’d be a hot mess. Within the 5 minutes since I decided I felt like writing a blog post my mind has jumped between about 5 different loosely-related topics. I’m a decent writer but I know better than to try to make all of that come together in one coherent post. Instead, in the spirit of my former blog, I’m just going to do some fast and dirty bullet points of what’s on my mind currently.

  • Next week I’ll be heading to the national training for my summer job. This will be my second year going and last year was such a profound experience. In conjunction with all of the personal growth I’ve experienced this year and finally starting down the road to becoming “woke,” I know that this year will be even better.
  • In tandem with the positive expectations I also anticipate some not-so-positive aspects of this experience. 1) Being around a lot of people all day every day for a week and a half and the anxiety that will surely come with it. Last year I was so overwhelmed by all of the people from all over the country and instead of reaching out to them and getting to know them, I just observed from afar. I don’t want to do that this year. I want to be more outgoing. 2) Being the leader and go-to-gal for a large group of these people as the most experienced person on my team. I work well under pressure but hopefully things will go as smoothly as possible. 3) Last year I had a travel companion who I also was in most of my workshops with. She became sort of a crutch for me. A comfort zone. This year,  I’ll be on my own. Well there are two men, my counterparts, who will be coming as well but I’m not sure how we’ll hit it off just yet. Men make me uncomfortable, especially strange ones. 4) Caffeine depravity. Last year, coffee was my savior in terms of making it through the long days but recently I found that coffee exacerbated my anxiety so this year I need to cut back or do without entirely. 5) It’s going to be extremely hot. Ughhhhh.
  • I’ve been in a bit of a rut this weekend but I feel myself coming out of it. The excitement about national training is keeping me together. As well as the long ass to do list that I need to get through before I leave.
  • I’m single. And lonely. Nothing new here.
  • I’ve fallen in love with a new podcast: Another Round. It’s hosted by two awesome Buzzfeed ladies, Heben Nigatu and Tracy Clayton. I was just thinking a couple weeks ago that I wanted to find more podcasts hosted by people of color talking about issues relevant to people of color and this podcast is everything I could’ve hoped for and more. They’re like funny, cool, big-city-living older cousins. I can’t get enough. I always say one episode is my favorite until I listen to the next.
  • I’m budgeting and will begin stock trading soon. How long until I can trade stocks for income?! Next week? Cool! (I wish)
  • I’m halfway through a book: Leadership and Self-Deception. I may do a review. But also, I may not. (Just being completely honest here.)

Ok, I’m running on fumes. I think it’s time to wrap it up. I don’t feel like proofreading, either…

G’night!

When your life is not yours

For much too long I’ve been trying to convince myself that I am this person that I’m not. And not in a trying-to-be-someone-else-because-I’m-ashamed-of-who-I-am kind of way but more of a oh-this-isn’t-me-but-it’s-kind-of-ok-maybe-if-I-keep-this-charade-up-it’ll-feel-more-natural.

Well folks, I’m here to tell you that it does. not. work.

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Wisdom from a fictional cat

Alice asked the Cheshire Cat, who was sitting in a tree, “What road do I take?”

The cat asked, “Where do you want to go?”

“I don’t know,” Alice answered.

“Then,” said the cat, “it really doesn’t matter, does it?”

And this, friends, is my conundrum. Commitment to one path, one goal, one outcome is unfathomable. Not when I’m exposed to some other facet of life every day. And also not when I believe that I’ll end up wherever I’m supposed to be regardless of the path I take.

Admittedly, I feel incredibly flaky when asked “what do you plan to do after grad school?” or “what do you want to do with your degree?” or “what’s next?”  and my answer is obviously not fully thought through. I’ve stopped trying to be even partially truthful, just whatever comes out of my mouth first and sounds interesting. It’s not that I don’t want to do any of these things or am not capable of doing any of these things; I guess I just realize that I’m being led to my destination, whatever that destination may be. Not to mention that once I get there, I may find myself being led to yet another destination.

It seems that where I want to go is secondary. What’s most important is just going, no matter which road you take.

A Peculiar Predicament

I’m from the South. Memphis, Tennessee born and raised. In my household, having bad manners was unacceptable and among the highest of egregious acts one could commit. I grew up with a mother who was hyper-alert about ensuring that wherever me and my older brother went, we represented our house – and her – extremely well.

Yes ma’ams and yes sirs were standard and at some point I adopted the ideology that everybody who was an adult had to have a title. I have first cousins who I called “auntie so and so” for years simply because they were much older than me and to me calling them by just their first name was unfathomable. I’m sure they got tired of correcting me and my brother relentlessly. “I’m not your aunt!” they would fuss. And eventually we got used to calling them by their first name but for me, there was always an itch to give them a title, to show respect, and even sometimes a slight pause before I said their name free of prefix.

So fast forward to me being 20-something. When meeting strangers, older strangers, especially in a professional setting, I still have to affix a title before their name. Time and time again, I’ve been told “Just call me ____” and I get that weird itch again. Even more peculiar is that now I’m on the other side of this conundrum. I work with college students who I’m not that much older than, yet they call me Miss. Dorian or Miss. *my last name* and it’s weird. I feel the cringe that my auntie-cousins felt and I get it. I am in no way shape or form so accomplished (or old) that I feel deserving of a title and yet I understand that it’s not about stroking ego as much as it is about respect and everyone wants to be respected. But for some, including Dr. N, I mean, Millicent who I had the pleasure of meeting tonight, respect can be shown in different ways, like calling someone what they refer to be called.

For now, I think I’ll continue to allow the youngins to call me “Miss;” it feels weird and stuffy but I think it may be what I need to make myself realize “You’re a damn adult, sweetheart.”

Miss me?

My life has somewhat returned back to normalcy; which, in my case normalcy means being pulled in about 10 different directions at once but I’m used to it so it’s not too stressful. WAIT. Wordpress changed the post editor interface!? Anywho, despite life being busy busy busy I guess I could try to catch you up on some of the major things that have happened/are happening as quickly as possible:

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People Look Up to Me

That’s been really hard to wrap my head around. Especially during the times when I’m weighed down by my own mess and misery. It’s really astonishing to hear people describe me; they say all of the things about me that I conveniently overlook. All of the things that I forget about because I’m so busy trying to be perfect. All of the things that, despite my shortcomings, are still worthy of admiration and make me worthy of being looked up to.  Continue reading

Makeup of the Future: Mink

3D printing seems like technology of the future but it’s here NOW. It’s already been used to print artificial limbs and organs and now…makeup. Yes, makeup.

I stumbled across this article on Facebook about Mink, a 3D printer that allows you to create your own makeup with a click — well, a couple clicks — of your mouse. Mink was created by Grace Choi, a Harvard Business School student, who wanted to give young women the ability to create the makeup products they see on Youtube, Instagram, Pinterest, and all around the web instantly and conveniently. Check out the video after the jump to see Grace’s presentation at TechCrunch Disrupt NY 2014.

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